Last Updated on October 14, 2014.
“A Bully is neither brave or strong unless we give him our strength. By not standing up to a bully you empower them. You give them all the power and they feel they can do anything to you they want. This is very dangerous. Please join us on Saturday October 18th at 1 pm at Tiger Schulmann’s MMA in Mount Kisco To learn how to stop a bully.
A bully is usually more scared than the victim. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. They are hoping and praying that the victim will back down and not stand up for themselves. If one does the bully will most likely back down and move on to the next victim. If the victim doesn’t stand up then the bully is empowered like they have never been before. They feel strong and invincible like they can do whatever they want to someone. This is very, very dangerous. There is no telling what the bully will do. That is why it is so important to stop bullying the right way.
We’ve gone over both level 1 bullying as well as level 2 bullying already. Those are the best times to stop a bully. We are now dealing with a situation where we did not stop them there. By not doing so we have given all the power, all the control to the bully. The feel incredibly powerful. They tested the water and it feels great to them. Now they will start to get physical. They will do things like smack you in the head or tripping you so you fall. Maybe going as far as punching or kicking you. The verbal abuse will get down right cruel and vicious. The bully sees that you won’t fight back so there are no restrictions on them. They can do whatever they want because you gave them all the power.
The victim is now left with only one way out of this dangerous situation. They must fight back. They really have no other choice. If someone ever puts there hands on you it is not only your right but your responsibility to defend yourself. The biggest problem I think we have here is fear. If you have never been in a fight before the fear of one can be paralyzing. You literally freeze up and your body doesn’t react like your brain hopes it will. Trust me when I say you don’t want your first fight to be with someone that really wants to hurt you. Kids that train karate, kickboxing or jiu-jitsu are placed in stressful situations regularly. They won’t freeze. They will be able to react swiftly and with complete control. They have face much tougher opponents than some bully and have come out unharmed so fear of getting hurt won’t be a problem.
“If you allow a situation with a bully to escalate to the point where you need to use your fists to handle it then you messed up somewhere along the line. Handled correctly it will never get violent. Handled correctly you will stop it before you need to use your fists. The best self defense is one you never have to use.”
There is another fear. One that would have been baffling to me as a child but is very prevalent today. Not necessarily the fear of getting hurt but more so the fear of getting in trouble. Schools today have a “Zero Tolerance” policy. This mandates that the victim gets in as much trouble, sometimes more than the bully when they fight back. When I was young if a kid was bullying you, eventually you would beat the bully up. When the teachers found out the usually knew who the bullies were and figured that justice had been served. That is not how it is today. This “Zero Tolerance” policy is wrong. It gives the bully more power as it takes away a basic right of the victim. I remember my son telling me he was being bullied in school when he was in second grade. A fifth grader was pushing him and some of his friends and I told him to push him back. His fear wasn’t that he’d get hurt but that he’d get in trouble. This policy had my son scared to protect himself. His mother and I told him he may go to the principals office in school but when he came home he’d be going to the toy store. We would be so proud that he would deserve a reward.
Do not let bullying get to level 3. If it does there is no way out other than to fight. I train many wonderful kids martial arts. I do so to empower them with the tools of self discipline, self defense and self confidence. Still I hope they never have to use their skills. I hope they are never forced to protect themselves or someone they care about. Trust me thought that if they are forced they will be prepared. I always say in a situation like this where you are being bullied, pushed to the limit then someone is going to walk away from that situation unhappy. It better be the bully. Come to my seminar on October 18th at 1pm and give your kids the tools to stop bullying.